Exploding Heads Blamed on Obama
Massive amounts of paper towels were on hand to aid in the effort to clean up the blood and brain matter from thousands of exploded heads throughout the South that occurred when it was announced that despite the efforts to buy,rig or steal the Election,President Obama had been re elected to a second term.
Officials said they had asked for assistance from Major Oil Companies as they are the unchallenged leaders in the field of Paper Towel Absorption Technology,well in advance of Election Day. 
They had a hunch such an event might occur after witnessing the absurdity of the Romney/Ryan team. The fact that they had lost the NASCAR Vote bolstered their view.
In Texas where GOP supporters  had learned that Tom Delay had become Denzels "Bitch" several heads instantly exploded from  disbelief,EMTs said they had  drilled extensively for just such an event after Governor Rick Perry's exit from the Presidential Race and had plenty of towels and as a backup had a abundant supply of Anti Obama Posters that could be converted to absorption devices .Many States were less prepared.
 Tennessee,Arkansas,Mississippi and several other states where the posters had been used to provide heat during last winter as many could not afford to fill their propane tanks due to high unemployment that was maintained by their Governors rejection of funding for improvements to infrastructure,Alternative Energy Projects,Education,Police and Fire Departments that would have reduced unemployment as well as providing the State with extended Benefits for the many Tea Party supporters who helped elect the States Congressional Leaders who then led the charge to reject any help for them from the Socialist Obama Administration.Said one supporter "We said we would keep Government out of our Medicare and we did !"and added" I got a lot more I could say bout that Obama Car but I got ta take the little woman to get some kind of chest check that her Doctors gonna give her for free before they run out of 'em".
Florida appears to have had one of the most severe outbreaks even though plenty of posters and paper towels were on hand.Clean ups were complicated by the fact that many Seniors, realizing they had been duped by their Elected Officials  when their State related assistance had been cut, gathered in mass and were chasing down Governor Scott and his cronies on their Scooters clogging the roads and  impeding efforts to get to those whose rigid ideology thwarted their ability to accept reality and resulted in mass cranium explosions.
It is a mess and too late in the season to expect help from a Hurricane to help tidy up. On the plus side though, the roads which had taken on a bluish tint, attributed to several years of oil saturated atmosphere from the BP spill, now have a multi hued iridescent appearance  sure to delight visitors.One local said "It's been a great boon to our Auto Body Shops as there seems to be a whole lot of slipp'n and slid'n since the roads got pretty.When the reporter commented that Scientists had pointed out the sheen was oil in the air from the BP spill and was also responsible for stunted crop growth as well as an increase respiratory ailments the man said"Ain't ya seen the BP Man on Tea Vee?"and added"He said everything was fine down here and  any oil on the roads was from it seep'n up through the ground cause no one had drilled for it there,you Liberal Medya folk don't know much do ya"and that "we got Rush on the radio done here and we got the FOX News so we know what's really gun'in on herr".
Some Northern States also experienced the same calamity. North Dakota,Kansas and Idaho were most notable due to a lack of absorption devices.Shipments of Brawny paper towels had been diverted by owners the Koch Brothers to Oil Spills in Yellowstone where Exon Mobil, one of their Oil Supply Partner Pipelines had hemorrhaged and was rapidly destroying the National Treasure.The Kochs had described it as a minor leak and blamed the Obama Administrations refusal to allow a pipeline to be built over a Aquifer that supplies much of the Mid West with drinking Water,forcing them to overload the pipeline. When reporters asked about the possible damage to wild life and the extinction of certain species of fish David Koch said "That's why we have Aquariums and Zoos".Asked if they would offer their Angel Soft Toilet Paper or Zee Napkins  instead, David Koch replied "We spent 400 million dollars to purchase this Presidency and  Zero Out the EPA and now are expected to be civically minded after we lost? Are You Crazy,Get your own paper towels, it's not our heads that exploded" speaking from one of his Vacation Residences on Cayman Cay while sipping on a Pina Colada served by his  Servant,Barack.
He continued"Those minor leaks provide many jobs for those not lucky enough to be employed in our factories,many above minimum wage by 20 or 30 cents" he said ending the interview to go to the main Island Grand Cayman to visit his money.
After 300 oil spills from Koch pipelines and facilities in six states -- Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, Missouri, Louisiana and Alabama,They have established themselves as major shirkers of responsibility even after being fined hundreds of millions by the EPA,but are confident they have SCOTUS on their side and will discuss more actions on their next Golf Outing with Justice Scalia.
Even the Southwest was not spared.In Arizona a Patriot group mistakingly chased down three off duty Boader Patrol Agents who appeared Latino to them and demanded their Papers.When one Agent reached for his Shield a Patriot opened fire on him thinking he was a threat to the 18 Patriot Members and unloaded 65 rounds into the off duty agent who was wearing a t shirt,shorts and sandles.The Agent identified as Tony Mascola an Italian American transplant born in New York's Little Italy was killed instantly. Local Police arrived in time to prevent further gunfire by taking the Patriots into custody.It was at this time when one Officer remarked that it was people like them that helped Obama win a second term several of the Patriots heads exploded simultaneously as they had not heard the news.
Governor Jan Brewer who appeared with her head bandaged,she said she had walked into a door, called the death a tragic mistake and said very few would know Italian Sicilians could be so dark skinned and was reaching out to Senator Scott Brown,an expert in Ethic Stereotyping,to help people to use his methods to recognize one's Race as he did with Elizabeth Warren.